Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Dear 2011:

Greetings and welcome!  I know you've just gotten started but I want to say that I have high hopes for you.  While you are finding your own unique groove, please allow me to offer some advice, filtered through the experience of those noble years that have gone before you.

  • Sleep is a lovely thing, and should be granted in more than 90 minute increments.  This is especially important on days when work at an office requiring specific hours is involved, but as a general rule is accepted on all days, deadlines not withstanding.  That being said, naps are a special subset of sleep and shouldn't be confused with real rest sleep.  Naps are perfectly acceptable in 90 minute increments and as such are welcomed most heartily.  Think of real sleep like a Lord of the Rings movie marathon instead of a Disney flick.  
  • Fever blisters, cold sores, or canker sores can truly be avoided at all costs.  While 2010 may have been throwing them about like rice at a wedding, we both know that throwing rice at a wedding is not only a social faux pas these days, it's considered tacky and dangerous--by women in heels mostly, but as I qualify as one of those, let's just consider it a foregone conclusion.  If you feel the absolute need to dispense one of the horrific things, please consider some advance warning.  I'm not so foolish as to ask for anything as grandiose as hours, but something along the order of 30 minutes would be kind.  That should at least give me time to take the preventative steps to minimize the damage.
  • Weddings and babies are wonderful events and we'll welcome them in the lives of our friends and family.  Funerals are generally frowned upon.  
  • 2010 had many pleasant surprises for us in the way of changing jobs.  It was lovely, but you don't want to be a copycat now do you?  I didn't think so.  If job-change is in mind, please limit it to those who want it, or think "promotion" or "raise."
  • We have a new: fridge, washer, dryer, and AC unit.  Our roof is still in its infancy and our cars are in their prime.  Our fence is in its dotage, so if you desire sweeping change in the household realm, please direct your attention there.
  • Thee cats and a dog is a mighty full menagerie.  No more animals this year, ok?
Sincerely yours, 

The Bean

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