Monday, September 27, 2010

a vendetta against sprouts


I do not like all the foods.

I like a lot of them, and I don't consider myself a picky eater, until I start thinking about all the foods I don't like. See, all this started with a sandwich. I was browsing the menu of a local deli, trying to decide what to order for lunch, and I'm naturally drawn to sandwiches with "California" in the name. Only, I really should know better, because what I've discovered through years of research is that "California" in the sandwich world means with avacado & sprouts. That's just cruel. It's like offering me a cookie and Pepto Bismol. Blech. So, I have a vendetta against sprouts. They are banned from my sandwhiches. And salads. And everything else I put in my mouth.

Other foods on that list include: cottage cheese, cantaloupe, jalapenos in any form which I can recognize them as such (if you chop them up small enough, I don't care as much), black olives, blue cheese, feta, capers, ginger in any amount larger than a smidge, brussel sprouts, beets, squid, wasabi, water chestnuts, those baby corn things in stir-fry, tofu that hasn't been cooked until it's no longer the texture of jello. Oh, and jello.

Most of the foods I don't like are about their texture. Sprouts not only taste like dirt, they feel like hair. Water chestnuts crunch in a wholly unappetizing way. Cottage cheese is just ookie, and while jello looks cool as it sqiggles and wiggles about, I don't want my food to squiggle and wiggle in my mouth, thankyouverymuch.


There isn't really a genre of food that I completely dislike--except for maybe sushi. But even there, I can usually find something that I can eat. Like the tempura rolls, or avacado rolls, or anything that doesn't smell like something left on the beach for 3 days (seaweed) or have the texture of eyeballs.

I've made my peace with most curries. I've braved the things on the Chinese food menu with the spicy warning. I've even found a way to eat Greek food without getting stuck with feta or olives. I like most vegetables, and I like them in lots of ways. I like cheese, and milk, and beans, and rice, and tortillas and bread with weeds & seeds in it. I like pig and chicken and cow and duck and I'd like to try a bison burger someday. I'm not a big fan of most white fish, except when served with chips, but I'm not opposed to trying it. In fact, I try lots of stuff that I think I won't like. Mostly I'm right, but sometimes I'm surprised. That's how I found out that a nice, firm green olive isn't all that bad. I'm still not sold on those black ones though.

Then there are good foods that people use in ways that I don't like.

Don't put pineapple or chicken or barbecue sauce on my pizza. Don't put seafood in my tacos. Or enchiladas. Or anything other than cerviche--at least when it comes to Mexican food. Don't put fruit in my ice cream. Ok, well maybe sometimes you can put fruit in my ice cream... but nothing will ever compare to Rocky Road. I don't particularly care for fruit-based desserts in general, but I won't not eat them. It's just that I'll almost always choose chocolate over cobbler. And the fact that my grandparents have a recipe for this thing that's basically hot fudge cobbler... well that's a no-brainer!

For having such a sweet tooth, I'm not really keen on most of the sweet breakfast foods. Except Pop Tarts (brown sugar & chocolate fudge) and chocolate chip pancakes. Waffles I can take or leave. Strudel and danishes, donuts (except old fashions... and sometimes a good cake donut)... well, I'd rather have toast. And bacon. Of course bacon. Hash browns. Corned beef hash...

Now, my favorite foods... it's like trying to pick a favorite song. Cold fried chicken. Potatoes in any way they come--salad, bread, baked, mashed, soup, chips, fried... Steak. With sauteed mushrooms. Acorn squash with butter and salt. Pulled pork tacos with avacado. Biscuits. Chocolate cake.

Now I'm hungry.

2 comments:

B said...

There are so many quotable lines in this entry, but my very favorite is "I've made my peace with most curries." I would love to read that about someone in their obituary.

Linnea said...

Well, I have you to thank for most of my peaceful curry experiences. Green curry was way to scary to try until you told me of your love of it... and I never would have tried Banana Leaf if not for the fabulous endorsement. Thankfully, I know people who will sissify their curries for my pasty white self!

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