Friday, November 26, 2010

I see a red door and I want to paint it black

I will not talk about Black Friday.  Too many years working retail.  Last year, I was up at 3 am, to go to an outdoor strip mall in 40° weather, which was actually fun and resulted in some great deals before the sun even got up, but I think I used up all my Black Friday mojo out there in San Marcos.  I'm done with the day.

Instead, I shall talk about bunnies.  Because it was the first thing to pop into my head.

I typed "bunny" into Google, and this is what I got.  The epitome of bunny-ness: little and fluffy, with big eyes, an adorable nose... and not biting me.

See, in real life, bunnies are soft and look snuggly and wonderful... but they're... they're... squirmy and sometimes smelly, and their little back feet scratch you in very un-lucky ways.  I've never had a pet bunny, so I don't know if they ever settle down and snuggle like my beloved kitties, but I like to think they do.  I mean, what's the point of so obviously adorable pet that begs to be held and petted and snuggled (and called George) if it's just going to freak out and run away when you try to hold it and squeeze it?  Aren't all domesticated animals simply around for my amusement?  Why don't the squirrels outside my house want to come eat from my hand, and wash their little faces on my windowsill while I watch (and my dog goes not-so-quietly crazy)?  And they never offer to come in and do chores for me, which is really disappointing, because as we all know, fairy tales and the movies are actual representations of life and can be used as templates for building our hopes and dreams.

See, I have this very non-specific memory of going to some friend's house somewhere in Texas when I was about 10 years old, and she had bunnies... lots of them.  Like a farm of them, but maybe just a little Mom-and-Pop farm... run by her Mom and Pop... So there were all these long-eared bunnies... floppy ears and soft fur and little cottony tails and claws!  Bunnies have claws and those little buck teeth are sharp and they bite!

So just a warning to all those out there who are enamored with the soft, squishable, squeezable, snuggable bunnyness of bunnies.  They have teeth and claws.

I mean, so do most pets... like my cats, and guinea pigs and hamsters and squirrels...

So, you know... most cute animals also have some sort of protective parts too.  Which isn't to say that they aren't also nice and kind and good... just don't forget that bunnies have claws.  Which isn't their fault if they get scared and use them... I mean, after all, their natural instinct is to get away from things bigger than them and higher on the food chain, which we are.

This pointless PSA brought to you by my avoidance of shopping until the crazy is gone.

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