Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Big Reveal

Most of you know this already, because most of you know me and stuff in real life, but this is for The Internet, ok?

Dear Internet,

I'm pregnant. If all goes well, in early April, I will have a baby. For (hopefully) the rest of my life. Which is crazy.

That is all.

Ok, I lied, that's not all. It's been really hard keeping this even semi-secret and I'm not very good at secrets, so I'm sure I dropped like a million hints and people already know, but WHATEVER. This is my official announcement to the public at large.

Now, I have to go back to all the posts & tweets that have passed me by these past 8 weeks (because the first 4 I had no clue what was going on) and say all the things I've been keeping inside, which will now be TOTALLY out of context, but whatever.

Just so you don't have to search the whole internet for the things I'll be saying, I'll briefly recap them here:

  • I have NO IDEA what I'll be wearing to The Blathering as I have NO IDEA how fat I will be at the time.
  • I hate the smell of everything, everywhere.
  • Why, oh why, can't I just take an Advil?
  • I have no idea how to express a desire for one kind of baby over another without sounding like a giant jerk
  • How can you do fitted diapers without a cover? The websites say covers are mandatory. What am I missing? 
  • Fruit of the week*: kidney bean. It fails at being a fruit. (that was weeks ago, I think the current fruit of the week is a lime)
  • Me too!
  • I know what you mean now! I had no idea...
  • etc
  • etc
  • etc
  • I can't think about more than one baby at a time. When asked how many we plan on having, my current answer is "at least one"
  • I'm no longer the caboose on this crazy baby train! Hooray! I don't know why it matters, but... it does
  • Seriously, 7 babies in 5 months... don't say it's in the water, because we're spread out across the globe--literally!
  • It took forever, and by "forever" I mean, it didn't happen exactly when I planned it too, so you know, there's that
  • Why aren't there tall maternity pants for fat people? I guess I'll wear a lot of skirts.
  • I'm pretty sure my OB doesn't care if my toes are painted, but I sort of do.
So, now you know. There it is. I have a fetus. 

*When you sign up for certain baby-centric e-mails, they send out little notes each week of your pregnancy to tell you about how big the baby is now, and usually compare it to a fruit, hence, fruit-of-the-week e-mails.


HereWeGoAJen said...

Congratulations! That's awesome!

fatgirlrunning said...

Holy crapburgers - CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Miranda said...

I came back to look at the picture again. S/he's adorable.

Jessica said...


Swistle said...

Hooray! And yes: people are only allowed to be ONE exception at a time. You may be FAT, but not fat AND TALL, and CERTAINLY not fat AND tall AND pregnant.

About eleven years ago when I was expecting William, Sears cleared out a TON of plus-sized maternity jeans. I bought, like, half a dozen pairs, and wore them for the rest of my pregnancies.

k said...

I saw your announcement on Twitter about A FETUS BABY INSIDE! but am just now making it here to leave a very happy congratulations.

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