Friday, October 8, 2010

A lament for lipgloss

So, lipgloss and I have a checkered past. I wish it were houndstooth, because I think that would be more sophisticated. Or maybe Burberry...

Anyway, I like the look of lipgloss and the flavors, but sort of get frustrated with everything else about it.

If it comes in a pot, then my finger is all sticky.
If it comes in a squeeze-tube, then the tube is all sticky, and then my hand gets sticky.
If it comes with one of those wands, I'm usually worried about getting the most gloss off the wand and on to my face, which never seems to happen satisfactorily. I wind up just sort of using my lips to push the gloss back on to the wand...

I'll admit that not all of that is the lip glosses fault. In fact, user error may be involved. Somehow I missed the day in "girl school" on the application of lip gloss. I have a hard time getting over that "sticky" feeling, whether on my hands or lips. And because my hair is fine and tends to get wispy whether up or down, there's no escape from getting hair in my lip gloss, which is an uncomfortable and diconcerting experience. One particularly lovely lip gloss that was sparkly and very pink and smelled of cupcakes (which in fact makes it as close to perfect as any lip gloss can come) was so sticky, that when a stray hair blew across my face and landed in the gooey mess, my attempt to pull the offending folicle away resulted in the poor thing breaking. Yes, the lip gloss broke my hair! That may be more a testimony to the wimpiness of my hairs than the force of the gloss, but either way, that's no good.

And though I know this about myself, I'm always tempted by the shiny and the sparkly and the glossy and of course the smells.
Few glosses actually taste like what they smell like, but that's ok, because my lips are conveniently located just below my nose, so I can smell them all day, and that's great...until I try to eat something. Gloss is worse than lipstick when it comes to getting all over forks and cups and whatever I'm trying to take a bite of. And it doesn't wipe off as easily as lipstick, so then I waste more napkins trying to clean my face so I can enjoy my meal, thus contributing to the horrible landfil problems of this country, and making more greenhouse gasses and killing the planet. See?!? Lip gloss kills the planet!

So, it is with a fair amount of shock and pleasant surprise that I say I've fallen for M.A.C.'s lip glasses. Not glosses, because that's just so ordinary, and this is M.A.C. after all.

So, all week I've been wearing my Venomous Villains Lip Glass, Maleficent's Wrong Spell. It's definitely much darker than what I usually wear, and brownish to boot, which I don't have a lot of. I tend towards blueish pinks and orangish reds, avoiding corals, nudes, browns & plums... because I seem to lack creativity and variety... but... it's so... glossy! And it has Maleficent on it, and we all know how much I love her.

And somehow, I've mastered the magic of using the wand. And then all the benefits of gloss became clear! I've always been pleased with my pucker, but now... it's even better. The little top pointy parts are pointier, in a pretty way. And the shine makes everything look plumper and fuller and more fabulous.

And miraculously, I seem to have avoided all strong breezes and tosses of the head, because I haven't had to detangle my hair from my lips once this week! Not once!

Is this a new age? Have lip gloss and I come to a mutually beneficial agreement? Can I go back into my Caboodle of goodies and unearth all those glosses that have been languishing unused and abandoned all this time and discover a whole new world of beauty goodness?

Probably not. Let's be honest. Soon, the wind will pick up, and my hair will get wispy and I'll touch my face and smear sticky, shiny gloss all over everything and banish the whole mess back to the Caboodle from whence it came.

But while it's here, I'm determined to enjoy it! Milk it for every second it's worth! Come check me out and I'll blow a pretty, glossy kiss your way.

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