Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Life of Bean, a Lifetime Original

Back to the made-for-tv movie version of my life for a bit, because after all the awesome input from friends and family, I can't stop thinking about it.  It is my life after all, and I feel like that takes up a lot of my time.

I'm not sure what the plot is, as I haven't invented anything exciting, or done anything dramatic, or survived extreme conditions, or overcome impossible odds, or changed the world.  Still, this is my Barbie Dream World, so I think I'll have the scenes that lead to the most fun for me, in my role as a well-paid consultant.  Maybe I'll pen an auto-biography that will sell like hotcakes and get picked to be turned into a movie, then I can have input on the script. 

I'll totally sensationalize my experience of the 1989 San Francisco earthquake, and choose some plucky unknown young actress to play me, age 9, leading my ballet class to safety through rubble and smoking cars as my mother drives skillfully through epic traffic over the swaying Golden Gate in her mad rush to Marin.  We'll have explosions of Bruckheimer proportions that will make the trailer look totally amazing.

There has to be at least one U2 concert in the movie of my life, and that means that I'm going to insist on U2 being brought in to play.  I don't know which of the three to pick, though I feel I should maybe fudge reality just a little bit and include MBFJCG in every one.  Really it's just an excuse to have U2 in my movie.

Then, I'll gloss over all my awkwardness with a snappy montage of my moving-about years.  I can put a few scenes in of me looking glowing and sunkissed on our boat on Canyon Lake and skip my awkward attempts to water ski.  While we're at it, let's just skip over most of middle and high school.  No need to document my frumpy years.

For college, we can do a few scenes in Santa Barbara that show how cool and hip I was, because this is my movie and I can fib if I want to.  A scene where we study on the beach, and a trip to Zelo's where I dance with the pretty blonde boy from Kentucky who turned out to be not only not interested in me at all but just hanging out with me because it was convenient and boosted his ego, but also did very bad things to my friends, so maybe we'll just cut him out of the movie all together and move on to Nebraska. There, I'll highlight my cool friends, so I seem super cool by association, and there will be thoughtful, dimly lit conversations of ordinariness that hold hidden truths and transcendental value as commentary on the human condition... or something.  And music.  Lots of music in that section of my movie.  Live shows and mix tapes (that are actually on cd) and stuff.

And there should be a montage of dancing.  At the 3.5 clubs that I've been too.  Showcasing my fabulous make-up & hair... and stuff.  And then a whirlwind of fantastic, eye-opening experiences at the renaissance festival, and a falling in love montage.

Maybe a House-ish episode where I cover all the mysterious and frustrating illnesses of my family and friends, and I could even get Robert Sean Leonard to come in and play the caring oncologist, only I won't call him Wilson...

There's a lot of montages here and not a lot of actual scene work... is the movie of my life really just a 90 minute music video?  That seems more likely...

As for the rest of the film, it's still a work in progress.  Maybe there will be a bundle of joy scene, or some world travel, or possibly just a lot of singing in silly clothes and scrapbooking with friends and moments of hilarity that the heroine boils down into sit-com like segments and publishes on the internet.

Who knows...

1 comment:

Bud said...

+1 on House!!

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